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Notes form Abigael:

1.  It is important on road trips to occasionally remind your parents that they are cruel for tying you up in a contraption and expect you to sit there quietly for hours, regardless of how exciting the destination might be.  A good way to remind them of this is by requesting something special, something delicious, something you would normally get as a treat.  Ice Cream.  This is especially successful when ice cream is out of season. It is quite entertaining to watch one's mother try Harvey's, Tim Horton's, Burger King, etc for ice cream when you know they have none.  It is even more exciting to watch your mother go into a gas station off the highway, put her principles aside, and buy you the only brand available for miles, a brand that she has dutifully boycotted for years: Nestle.   Of course, as we all know, Nestle is crap and one would rather die than eat it, so the only thing left to do is to take off the wrapper, throw it on the floor along with the ice cream, and yell "Bar-Gage".  

2.  Should your mother have the patience and kindness to nurse you into todlerhood and well into her pregnancy, it is important to remind her of the newborn days when your latch was horrible and recreate those days for her, should she get the silly notion that siblings are a good idea, and to get her to stop looking at infants as though they were the best thing on earth. 

3.   If your mother refuses on principle to Ferberize you, it is crucial to test her resolve by whining every time she leaves your bedroom to the point where she feels compelled to sit on the foor  by the bedroom door until you fall asleep.  This can take a long time, so feel free to ask for countless things: water, teddy bears, extra blankets, etc.  After you have exhausted these necessities (and exhausted your mother), ask for hugs.  

4. When in the midst of potty learning, remember that you can pretend to need the potty at bdtime.  This delays bedtime for up to an hour.  If she figures out you are only pretending to use the potty, scrunch up your face and say "push poop out!" and you're good for another half hour.
5.  If you are  a lean child and a picky eater, it is easy to get your mother to do all kinds of silly antics to get you to eat.  Like sing Old Macdonald until she runs out of animals she knows.  And let you play with play-doh while eating dinner.

6.  When in the car, strapped in aforementioned contraption, pick a song that drives your parents particularly batty.  Raffi works well.  Do not, under any circumstance, let them play the whole CD.  Instead, ask for the same song over and over and stay consistent.  They love it.  Consistency is the key to good daughtering.

7.  If your mother is a fan of babywearing and likes to put you in a back carry, untie the straps of her halter top in public.  That way, everybody gets to see where your lunch comes from.


( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 26th, 2007 04:38 am (UTC)
Fabulous post!
Sep. 26th, 2007 04:41 am (UTC)
It was weekend inspiration... I'm sure she'll need to add a sequel every onve in a while... That child never stops cracking us up AND exhausting us.
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:29 pm (UTC)
I am glad to provide entertainment... my kiddo is a quirky one!
Sep. 26th, 2007 11:15 am (UTC)
Burger king doesnt have icecream? I could've sworn they just came out with a chocolate covered cone or something. I could be wrong though! haha cute post.
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:30 pm (UTC)
I thought for sure they would have it. perhaps it was just this particular BK, at a truck stop on the side of the highway.... maybe truckers don't eat ice cream?
Sep. 26th, 2007 12:10 pm (UTC)
HAHAAHAHA so true and funny!
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:31 pm (UTC)
Yep, we're in the throes of toddlerhood aren't we?
Sep. 26th, 2007 12:20 pm (UTC)
Hahaha! Lovely post. :)
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Anything to liven up those autumn days!
Sep. 26th, 2007 12:23 pm (UTC)
That's a great description of what happens. She sounds like she knows what she's doing as a daughter. And lucky to have a mommy with a sense of humor.
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:31 pm (UTC)
Shes got us all figured out.
Sep. 26th, 2007 12:37 pm (UTC)
Ice cream has a "season"???

Oh, wait, you're in Canadia, aren't you? why oh why does ice cream go "out of season"? It's not like there aren't cows providing milk, or the wild sugar cane is breeding...


Abi sounds hilarious, though :)
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:11 pm (UTC)
i think she just means that ice cream is traditionally a summer thing and ice cream stands are only a summer thing. we do have ice cream year round though :D
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:12 pm (UTC)
but, none @ BK??? boggles the mind
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:32 pm (UTC)
I was sure they would have it at BK. they definitely have it year-round at McD's. I think it might have been just this particular BK on the side of the highway, and Harvey's usually has milkshakes but this branch didn't.
Sep. 26th, 2007 01:22 pm (UTC)

this is great!!! I can relate to it all!
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:33 pm (UTC)
The toddler years are fun eh?
Sep. 26th, 2007 02:15 pm (UTC)
ahahaha I can't wait for these years. :P
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:33 pm (UTC)
Brace yourself girl, they are a'coming!
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:27 pm (UTC)
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:34 pm (UTC)
It'll be even more fun with a newborn AND a toddler in the house. I better bottle up my sanity, I might need it later...
Sep. 26th, 2007 04:08 pm (UTC)
Bah-ha-ha-ha! Oh, they're so...two. *Loves it*
Sep. 26th, 2007 06:02 pm (UTC)
Hahahahahhaha!! Sounds like someone's got their Mommy wrapped around their finger!!! lmao

And OMG that last one was tooooooooo funny!!

Great read, great writing!!

Sep. 27th, 2007 02:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Trust me, there will be a sequel. She has us in stitches every day.
Oct. 1st, 2007 02:37 pm (UTC)
el oh el.

poor mama.
Sep. 10th, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC)
just the giggles that I needed today!!! thanks!!!
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )